Understanding LGBTQIA+ Youth: Why Every Child Deserves to Feel Seen, Heard, and Accepted

I was six when I fell in love with Disney movies like Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Hercules, The Lion King, and Robin Hood. At my Catholic school, however, sharing those interests made me a target.

My classmates called them “weird,” “gay,” or “bad,” and I was teased and excluded for liking them. Over time, the bullying became physical, following me from the playground to the bathrooms and hallways.

Instead of protecting me, the adults around me labeled me “the problem kid.” Teachers dismissed my concerns or sent me into the hallway. I still remember an ELT teacher accusing me of seeking attention and telling me I should be ashamed for wanting to play with puppets, dolls, and Barbies.

I hated school. I no longer felt safe with my peers or the adults responsible for protecting me. My fourth-grade teachers mocked me, made jokes at my expense, and allowed my classmates to do the same.

School became a daily exercise in survival rather than learning. I entered each day in a state of anxiety, trying to keep my head down, avoid attention, and hide the parts of myself that made me different. When I asked for help, I was met with rejection and shame. Teachers and school leaders repeatedly reinforced the message that I was the problem, eventually leading me to believe there was something fundamentally wrong with me.

Many children know this feeling. They walk into school carrying fear, shame, and the pressure to hide who they are. What adults dismiss as teasing or a difficult childhood can shape a young person's self-worth for years to come. No child should have to sacrifice their sense of safety or identity just to get through the school day.

The teachers, nurses, and other professionals who should have supported me instead left me feeling bad, troubled, and somehow deserving of the treatment I received. The daily bullying happened in front of school staff, yet it continued unchecked. Over time, I began to wonder whether I really did deserve it.

I kept asking myself: Shouldn't the adults be standing up for me? Protecting me? At the very least, stopping the bullying, physical attacks, and public humiliation? Instead, I learned to expect rejection from the very people responsible for helping me feel safe.

By age eight, I believed I had to defend myself, change my interests, and hide the parts of me that made me different.

The bullying became so frightening that I began using the nurse's bathroom to avoid being attacked in the shared school bathrooms. I often ended up in the nurse's office experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety and depression. I was just a child trying to explore my interests and understand who I was, yet the adults around me repeatedly reinforced the same painful message: something was wrong with me. I was a bad kid.

After months of spending lunch and recess alone, I began to believe I could avoid rejection by hiding the parts of myself that made me different. I learned to stay quiet, keep my interests to myself, and suppress the things I feared others would judge.

Eventually, that message became part of how I saw myself: Something about me isn't okay. I believed changing who I was might finally earn me acceptance. Instead of feeling safe to explore my identity, I learned to hide it. And in some ways, it worked.

The problem was never the movies I loved or the toys I wanted to play with. It was the expectation that, because I was a boy, I should enjoy certain things, express myself in certain ways, and fit someone else's definition of masculinity. I needed adults who would challenge those expectations, take the bullying seriously, and help me understand that being different was never something to be ashamed of.

Instead, repeated rejection taught me that even the teachers responsible for protecting me could not be trusted.

Over time, I learned to hide parts of myself. Focusing on hockey, adventure stories, and male-centered characters made it easier to fit in and make friends. I even distanced myself from my female friends because I believed conforming to my male peers' interests was the price of feeling safe. I was learning to change who I was to gain acceptance, even when it meant letting go of the things and people I enjoyed.

Children are resilient and often develop ways to cope with difficult environments. They may hide their interests, change their behavior, or stay quiet to avoid ridicule and bullying. While these strategies may help them get through the day, they can come at the cost of their self-esteem and sense of identity.

No child should have to hide who they are to feel safe and accepted. Childhood should be a time to explore interests, develop relationships, and discover who you are without fear of judgment. Children need adults who make space for those differences and remind them that they don't have to change themselves to deserve friendship, safety, and belonging.

LGBTQIA+ youth may feel additional pressure to hide parts of themselves, change how they express their identity, or carefully monitor their behavior to avoid bullying, rejection, and harassment. These coping strategies may help them navigate unsafe environments, but they can also undermine their self-esteem, sense of belonging, and ability to explore who they are.

Parents, caregivers, teachers, and school staff have a responsibility to help protect LGBTQIA+ students. Listen without judgment, intervene when bullying or discrimination occurs, document incidents, and work with school leadership to establish clear safety plans. Most importantly, check in regularly, take students' experiences seriously, and reinforce that they never have to hide who they are to deserve respect and protection.

Unfortunately, these experiences didn't end in childhood. Throughout school and into college, I continued to face bullying, humiliation, and rejection from both peers and adults. When I tried to speak up, my experiences were sometimes dismissed or denied. Instead of feeling protected, I was repeatedly made to feel that something was wrong with me—that I wasn't normal. Eventually, hiding that part of myself felt like the only way to get by.

Some children and teens learn to hide their true selves just to survive school, and my experience in Catholic schools made that pressure even worse. I was taught that being different made me sinful, wrong, and shameful.

In college I got to work at a local Jewish afterschool program. The staff, the kids, and the vibes were positive and uplifting, The Jewish community center during college opened my eyes to something different: students were met with love, acceptance, and encouragement rather than the ridicule and punishment I had experienced. That experience helped me realize that faith is personal, and that you can find meaning in a higher power without accepting the cruelty, judgment, or harmful behavior that others may justify in its name.

Those experiences shaped how I viewed myself, how safe I felt around others, and how comfortable I was expressing who I truly was.

I know what it feels like to be a child whose experiences are misunderstood, minimized, or dismissed by the very adults who are supposed to help. As a growing adult I made a promise that I would let a child experience what I once had. I would promise to ensure that all my students felt safe, happy, and, secure when they entered the programs I worked with.

That experience is a significant part of why I chose to work with children, teens, and families. I understand how deeply the messages young people receive from adults, peers, schools, and society can shape their self-worth and sense of identity.

When children repeatedly feel unheard or dismissed, they may eventually stop speaking up altogether.

They may learn to hide their struggles rather than risk being misunderstood again. I want the children and families I work with to know that their experiences matter, their voices deserve to be heard, and they don't have to navigate life's challenges alone.

Every young person deserves to feel safe, heard, and supported. You don't need all the answers to support your child—you need to listen, take their concerns seriously, and advocate for them. Witnessing adults yell and shame the young students ignited a rage in me, one that I refused to never let happen again once I was in charge.

I was fortunate to have a mother who stood up for me when school staff failed to protect me. She was fearless, advocating for her children, and was a role model for what was right. If your child dreads school or feels isolated, ask questions and listen without judgment. If the school isn't adequately addressing your child's concerns, work with teachers, school leadership, and other supportive professionals to develop a plan that prioritizes their safety and well-being.

Talk to their teacher. Meet with school leadership. Make it clear your child has your support. Every child deserves to learn, explore their interests, and discover who they are without fear of judgment or bullying.

At Bright Harbor Counseling, I partner with children, teens, and families to navigate these challenges, identify practical strategies, and advocate for environments where young people feel safe, supported, and accepted.

Some children may resist parental intervention because they worry it will make things worse with their peers. Start by listening, understanding their concerns, and discussing how you can help.

Here are three ways to support your child:

1. Ask before you act. Find out how your child wants you to help and what they fear might happen if you intervene.

2. Reassure them. Explain that bullying and harassment are never okay and that your priority is keeping them safe while respecting their voice.

3. Advocate when necessary. If the mistreatment continues or the school fails to respond, meet with teachers and school leadership to address the situation and establish a plan to protect your child.

   
   

Your child deserves to feel safe, supported, and free to be themselves at school. Involve them in decisions whenever possible, but remember: protecting your child is your responsibility, even when asking for help feels uncomfortable to them.

Here are four ways to begin.

1. Let Your Teen Lead the Conversation

When questions arise about your teen’s identity, it’s natural to want answers or find ways to help. But your teen may not be ready to talk, and that’s okay.

Let them know the door is always open: “Whenever you’re ready, I’m here to listen. You don’t have to explain anything before you’re ready. I love you, I support you, and I want you to feel safe being yourself.”

They may be trying to understand their feelings, find the right words, or worrying about how you’ll respond. They might change the subject or avoid the conversation altogether. That doesn’t mean they don’t need your support; they may simply need more time.

I know firsthand how difficult it can be when others make assumptions about who you are before you’ve had the chance to understand or express yourself. Children and teens deserve space to explore their feelings without pressure to explain themselves before they’re ready.

Instead of pushing for a conversation, let your teen know the door is open.

You might say:

• “You can talk to me about anything whenever you’re ready.”

• “You don’t have to have everything figured out right now.”

• “I may not understand everything, but I want to listen.”

• “I love you, and that will never change.”

• “It’s my job to help keep you safe. We don’t have to figure everything out today, but we can work together to make sure school is a place where you feel supported and free to be yourself.”

  
  

Then give them space.

Your role isn’t to force a conversation. It’s to make sure your teen knows they can have one when they’re ready.

2. Recognize When Others Minimize Your Teen’s Experiences

Children and teens develop their sense of self through messages they receive from family, peers, schools, social media, and society. When those messages dismiss their feelings or identity, young people may begin to question themselves or feel pressured to fit in.

Sometimes these messages are direct. Other times, they come through jokes, stereotypes, expectations about masculinity or femininity, or adults dismissing a young person’s feelings as a phase.

You may hear comments like:

• “You’re too young to know that.”

• “It’s just a phase.”

• “Why can’t you act more like the other boys or girls?”

• “You’re being too sensitive.”

• “Kids are just mean. You need to toughen up.”

  
  

Adults may not intend to cause harm. They may feel uncomfortable, lack understanding, or believe they’re helping a child build resilience. But dismissing a young person’s experience can leave them feeling isolated and less willing to ask for help. Your role is to listen, give them space to process their feelings, and work together to advocate for their needs.

I know what it feels like to have adults overlook or minimize what you’re going through. When the people responsible for protecting you don’t take your experiences seriously, it can become difficult to trust them—or

Try asking:

• “Can you tell me more about what happened?”

• “What was that experience like for you?”

• “What would help you feel more supported?”

• “Is there something you wish the adults around you understood?”

  
  

You may not be able to change every situation your child faces, but you can make sure they don’t have to face it alone. Your love, support, and willingness to listen help build the self-worth, confidence, and self-acceptance they need to navigate challenges and grow into who they are.

Your support matters. By consistently showing your child that they are valued, accepted, and loved, you help lay the foundation for confidence and a stronger sense of self that can last a lifetime.

3. Show Acceptance Through Everyday Actions

Support isn’t limited to one big conversation. It’s often communicated through everyday actions: showing up, sending a text, or checking in when your teen needs you. Small gestures can make a lasting difference. Being physically present and consoling your child means more than you realize.

Your teen notices how you speak about LGBTQIA+ people, respond to differences, and demonstrate the respect and acceptance you say you believe in.

Here are six ways to show support:

• Speak respectfully about LGBTQIA+ people and relationships.

• Avoid making assumptions about your teen’s identity, feelings, or future relationships.

• Listen before offering advice or trying to solve a problem.

• Respect your teen’s privacy and never share personal information about their identity without permission.

• Learn about LGBTQIA+ experiences so your teen doesn’t have to explain everything to you.

• Speak up when you witness bullying, discrimination, or hurtful comments.

  
  

It’s also okay to acknowledge when you don’t know something. You might say, “I may not fully understand what you’re experiencing, but I care about you, and I’m willing to learn.”

You don’t have to get everything right. If you say something hurtful or misunderstand your teen, take responsibility, apologize, and make an effort to do better.

As a therapist, I believe feeling understood is essential to confidence and emotional well-being. Having experienced what it feels like to be misunderstood as a child, I know how meaningful it can be when an adult chooses to listen rather than judge.

Men have an important role to play, too. Parents and other male role models can help create a culture of acceptance through everyday choices:

1. Watch your words. Speak respectfully about LGBTQIA+ people and challenge harmful jokes, stereotypes, and assumptions. Your child is listening, even when you think they aren’t.

2. Lead by example. Speak up when someone is bullied, excluded, or treated unfairly. Show your child that standing up for others is a strength and that everyone deserves respect.

Acceptance isn’t just something you tell your teen. It’s something you demonstrate through your actions.Having an older sibling calmly, but assertively stand up for their younger sibling will have a huge impact.

4. Support Your Teen as a Team, Even When You and Your Partner Disagree

For couples and co-parents, conversations about LGBTQIA+ identity can bring up different emotions, questions, and beliefs. One parent may feel comfortable discussing identity, while the other may feel uncertain or need more time to understand.

Those differences don’t have to prevent you from supporting your child. What matters is ensuring your teen isn’t caught in the middle or made responsible for managing your emotions.

As parents and caregivers, you don’t need to have every answer. If you’re unsure how you feel, be honest while remaining kind, respectful, and willing to learn. Your child needs to know that your love and commitment to their safety aren’t conditional on your understanding.

Set aside time to discuss your concerns privately, giving each other space to speak without arguing or trying to change the other person’s perspective.

Try these three steps:

Step 1: Listen to understand.

Ask your partner, “What are you finding difficult to understand, and what would help you feel more comfortable navigating this?”

The goal isn’t to agree on every detail immediately. It’s to understand each other’s perspectives and identify a path forward.

Step 2: Identify your shared commitment.

Return to what matters most: your child’s well-being, emotional safety, and knowledge that they are loved. Agree that your teen will not be shamed, threatened, punished, or pressured for exploring or expressing their identity.

Step 3: Agree on how you’ll respond.

Discuss how you’ll respond if your teen shares something personal, asks a difficult question, or isn’t ready to talk. Commit to being patient, respecting their privacy, and allowing them to share at their own pace.

If communication remains difficult, an LGBTQIA+-affirming family therapist can help you navigate differing perspectives while keeping your child’s needs at the center.

You don’t have to process everything at the same pace. What matters is that your teen experiences consistent care and never feels they must choose between their parents or hide parts of themselves to keep the peace.

Every Child Deserves an Adult Who Listens

Looking back, I wish more adults had asked questions, taken my experiences seriously, and helped me understand that being different didn’t mean something was wrong with me. From third through twelfth grade, I kept to myself, endured hateful comments, and watched adults reinforce homophobic behavior rather than challenge it. School became a place of pain and anger instead of learning.

During some of the most formative years of my life, I did everything I could to hide who I was to avoid physical bullying, online harassment, and verbal abuse in the hallways. The adults responsible for protecting me often failed to intervene. We must equip adults with the knowledge, confidence, and tools to protect children so no young person has to face bullying alone.

For nearly a decade, I experienced relentless bullying and emotional pain without the consistent protection I needed. I choose to believe that some of the adults around me simply didn’t know how to intervene or lacked the tools to help. But regardless of their intentions, the impact was lasting.

At Bright Harbor Counseling, we’re committed to helping change that by equipping young people and families with the support, skills, and understanding they deserve. Every child deserves to feel safe, accepted, and supported as they discover who they are.

My experiences are a significant part of what inspired me to work with children, teens, and families. They remind me that young people are still developing their sense of self, learning how to navigate relationships, and figuring out where they belong. The way adults respond during those years can have a lasting impact.

We cannot protect children from every hurtful comment, difficult experience, or moment of rejection. But we can choose how we respond when they come to us for help.

We can listen instead of dismissing them. We can offer guidance without judgment. We can be patient when they aren't ready to talk. And we can make sure they know that their worth isn't determined by how closely they fit someone else's expectations.

Your teen doesn't need you to understand everything immediately. They need to know that you are willing to try, that their experiences matter, and that they don't have to navigate them alone.

Why Family Acceptance Matters:

Research shows that family acceptance can make a meaningful difference in LGBTQIA+ teens’ well-being. Respectful conversations about identity are associated with lower suicide risk, while family acceptance is linked to higher self-esteem and stronger social support.

Parents don’t need to have all the answers—listening, showing acceptance, and allowing teens to share at their own pace can go a long way. When communication feels difficult, an LGBTQIA+-affirming therapist can help families build understanding and strengthen relationships.

Sources: The Trevor Project, Supportive Parent and Caregiver Actions; Ryan et al. (2010), Family Acceptance in Adolescence and the Health of LGBT Young Adults; Nath, Hobaica, and DeChants (2025), Parental Support and Suicide Among LGBTQ+ Youth of Color.

At Bright Harbor Counseling, I work with children, teens, and families to help young people feel heard, strengthen their confidence, and navigate the challenges that can affect their emotional well-being. My approach is informed by both my clinical experience and my understanding of how difficult it can be for young people when the adults around them don't recognize or validate what they're experiencing.

If your family is navigating questions about identity, communication, or connection, counseling can offer a supportive space to build understanding and strengthen relationships.

Every child deserves the opportunity to grow into themselves without being made to feel that who they are is something to hide.

Together, we’ll build their confidence, strengthen your connection, and equip you with practical ways to help them embrace who they are. It's my job to partner with you and your family to ensure this happens.

Choosing a therapist for your child is an important step, and you don't have to navigate this journey alone. At Bright Harbor Counseling, we'll work together to understand your child's needs, strengthen your connection, and build practical strategies that help them feel safe, confident, and loved. Your insight as a parent matters, and our partnership will be grounded in open communication, acceptance, and a shared commitment to your child's growth. We will be a team in supporting your child's development and safety. You are not a alone. You will have a partner every steo of step of the way.

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